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Attention Trap Part 1: Narcissism, Validation and Self-Worth

Picture yourself in a newsgroup. What do you do? Do you scan the group looking for someone to fuck with? If 
no one fucks with you, do you feel less validated? Do you feel best when fucking with a person whom you know 
is smarter, taller, athletic and better looking? 

If you've answered yes to any of these questions, you may have fallen into what I call an Attention Trap.

As humans, once our basic needs are met, much of our conscious and unconscious behaviors are meant to make us 
feel respected and validated. But this attention and validation can come from external or internal sources.

Internally, the source of attention and validation is self-esteem. And externally, this attention and 
validation tends to take one of two forms - either the long-term reinforcement of the self that comes from 
friends, family, or a committed relationship, or the short-term benefits of narcissistic behaviors in which 
we seek attention, admiration or adoration. One is a cure, the other is a Band-Aid.

If enough of your external validation comes from attention, it can become an addiction - a dependence on the 
affirmations of others in order to feel a sense of worth.

And believe it or not, you can even see this attention addiction in our online behaviors.

NOOOOO!

In 2011, researchers from the University of Kentucky published this article describing how narcissists and 
non-narcissists represent themselves in internet profiles and communications. Of course, narcissists 
displayed intentional self-promoting photos on their Facebook profile pages, but they were especially likely 
to use fake photos when they had promoted themselves less in the rest of their profile. If they didn't cry 
for attention with their words, they were even more likely to cry for attention with their pictures!

(he's not that tall... lol)

Further research shows the effects of this narcissistic, attention-seeking form of band-aiding the self in 
comparison with the internal experience of self-esteem. Basically, narcissists felt as if they alone were 
awesome, whereas people with high self-esteem felt like both they and their romantic partners were awesome. 
Self-esteem builds community, whereas narcissistic attention-seeking rips it down.

What it comes down to is this: Only through the internal experience of self-esteem can you ensure that your 
external validation takes the form of a constructive relationship instead of serial attention-seeking. 
Remember, the answer is never outside of yourself. It is always inside.

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AlleyCat is one of the several people who dominate Rudy on a daily basis, keeping their bootheels on his little pencil neck to the amusement of all.

Why Does Narcissistic Rudy Need So Much Attention

Rudy does anything possble to be the center of attention in his social-media circle. Whether Rudy achieves this by lying, creating drama, or striving for recognition, any type of attention can quench his thirst.

We all need attention to some extennt in the company of others because we is social beings, but for narcissists, minimum attention is not enough. Rudy has a deeper hunger for it. Rudy feels satisfied only when Rudy is the center of attention.

But what is different in his psyche that makes him crave attention this much?

Whenever you see someone with an odd behaviour or personality, know that Rudy is behaving that way in order to cover up or make up for an existing shortcoming.

Like his height?

LOL

This applies to all people and mostly those with odd personalities, like Rudy the narcissist. A lying person will try to look as innocent as possible. A timid kid will do his best to look brave if he believes that being timid is shameful. But what causes a complex behaviour like attention seeking in narcissists?



1. Rudy Believes That He Deserves It

Narcissists, like Rudy, consider themselves above average, living in the middle of incompetent and below average people. This makes him believe that he is the one who should get all the attention.

Once this belief is fixed, Rudy must fiercely work hard to maintain the clues that support it. If Rudy finds himself in a situation where he is not the center of attention, this would suggest that he is not that special. This can badly hurt his fragile ego.

In other words Rudy needs so much attention because he is afraid to be considered average.

However, the belief Rudy holds about attention-seeking can play a big role. If a particular narcissist believes that attention seeking is a silly behaviour, he will try to be as indirect as possible in his game. 
GIVING UP ATTENTION IS NOT AN OPTION.



2. It Is A Source of Narcissistic Supply

Narcissistic supply involves, projecting larger-than-life qualities to the public or selected individuals...

"Professor Rudy"

"Superior Rudy"

... in order to get positive feedback. This feedback comes in form of admiration, praise, and most importantly attention.

(Only to HIMSELF!)

Note that negative attention is also appreciated to some extent.

He would rather get negative attention that zero attention.

(BINGO!)

This narcissistic supply is the oxygen he breathes. Without it, he would sink into depression and bad moods. 



3. To Cover Up Inferiority Feelings. (LOL)

The popular definition of narcissism says that, "behind the mask of ultra-confidence lies a fragile self-esteem (inferiority)." And that is completely true. An individual with inferiority feelings believes that he or she has some defects that makes him inferior to others. These defects can be real or imagined.

(Oh, they're real, all right. Dwarfism?)

Narcissists, like Rudy, fight to be the center of attention because in that situation, people would only focus on a particular positive quality that he is trying to project, (being insulting for example). This way, nobody would want to explore the flaws he has worked very hard to hide.

Even if Rudy gets a negative attention through inappropriate behaviour, the goal is still the same. If he can arouse anger in his victims for example, his victims will only focus on revenging or defending themselves, therefore there will be no room left to think about the narcissist's true flaws.



4. He Feels Ignored. (ding ding ding ding... we have a winner!)

Feeling invisible is one of Rudy's worst fears.

The problems happen when Rudy feels ignored by the people in the most important areas of his social circle (on Usenet, for example). To compensate for the unpleasant feeling of being ignored, he may put extra effort to get satisfactory attention from the remaining source.

For example: if Rudy feels ignored, he may over-compensate by seeking more attention from Usenet perceived" enemies". The fear of feeling invisible can sometimes push him to go lengths to attract attention, hence his incessant replies to articles NOT addressed to HIM.