Davin News Server

Me?

I'm going to ignore him for the rest of the day.

You watch... he'll reply to this too.

LOL

Firstly, we go over his low self-esteem, THEN we get into his narcissism, where he thinks he right about 
EVERYTHING. (see below)

He also can't be wrong, or it renders him incapable of functioning, unless, of course, he gets to exorcise 
his demons by venting. (see bottom)

Bye Tudes... hope you can sleep tonight. Just get drunk with mommy. I KNOW she's there.

=====

Rudy "Low-Self-Esteem" Canoza... someone who always "THINKS" he knows everything ABOUT everything and has to 
have the last word in ANY conversation or argument. That's why he HAS to reply to EVERY post about him, or it 
drives him crazy enough to not being able to sleep.

What is Low Self-Esteem?

Low self-esteem is when someone lacks confidence about who they are and what they can do. They often feel 
incompetent, unloved, or inadequate. People who struggle with low self-esteem are consistently afraid about 
making mistakes or letting other people down.

Having self-esteem issues can be detrimental to their health and negatively affect their personal and 
professional relationships. There are many reasons why they may have low self-esteem - their genes, how and 
where they grew up, and other life circumstances all play a role.

A major factor of low self-esteem, however, comes from their own mental state. Their inner voice, or the 
thoughts in their head, can be constantly telling them that they are not good enough or worth anything, even 
if there is evidence to the contrary. Negative thinking in general is linked to low self-worth and low self-
esteem.

Signs of Low Self-Esteem

There are several signs that either they or someone they know may be struggling with low self-esteem. Those 
signs of low self-esteem include:

Sensitivity to Criticism

If they have low self-esteem they may be extra sensitive to criticism, whether from others or themselves. 
They see it only as reinforcing their flaws and confirming that they are incapable of doing anything right.

Social Withdrawal

Declining invitations to go to a party or meet up with friends, canceling scheduled plans last-minute, and 
generally not wanting to be around others are signs of low self-esteem. They may not have any desire to hold 
a conversation or talk about their life because it will only reinforce the depression and anxiety they are 
already experiencing.

Hostility

For someone with low self-esteem, lashing out or becoming aggressive towards others is a defense mechanism. 
If they feel that they are about to be exposed or criticized, attacking whoever might criticize them can be a 
sign of low self-esteem.

Excessive Preoccupation with Personal Problems

Consistently worrying about their own personal issues takes up a lot of time for someone with low self-
esteem. They may struggle to help or empathize with someone else's problems because they are too preoccupied 
with their own.

Physical Symptoms 

Low self-esteem has been shown to lead to mental and physical health issues like depression, anxiety, and 
anorexia. It can also lead to unhealthy habits like smoking tobacco, alcohol abuse, or drug use.

Dealing with Low Self-Esteem

They can overcome low self-esteem with the right support, mindset, and change in behaviors. Start with these 
steps to begin improving their self-esteem:

Identify Troubling Conditions and Situations

Take a moment to think about certain conditions and situations in their life that seem to always deflate 
their self-esteem. It could be giving a work presentation, dealing with a difficult family member or friend, 
or facing a life-changing event, like a job loss or a move.

Become Aware of their Thoughts and Beliefs

After they've identified the times in their life where they have felt low self-esteem, evaluate their 
thoughts about they. How are they interpreting what happened? These thoughts could be either positive, 
negative, or neutral. They can be based on facts or irrational and false ideas. 

If they take a moment to notice what they are thinking, they can begin to understand whether or not their 
reactions to what has happened are appropriate and useful.

Challenge Negative or Inaccurate Thoughts

It is important to ask themselves whether their thoughts are consistent with facts or logic. There could be 
another explanation for a situation that is truer than their interpretation. Sometimes it is hard to break 
from long-held beliefs that have become part of their reality. Understand that it can take time and patience 
to overcome any negative preconceived notions toward their life that they've built up.

Adjust their mindset

They've been able to identify the times where they've felt a blow to their self-esteem. They've become self-
aware about how and why they have the thoughts and feelings towards those events. Now they can take a step 
back and analyze those thoughts and emotions. them now have the power to change their thought patterns to 
raise their self-esteem. 

Remember to think and feel hopeful statements, focus on the positive aspects of all situations, and not be 
afraid to relabel upsetting thoughts. And most importantly, don't hesitate to forgive yourself. No one is 
perfect and everyone makes mistakes. It doesn't make them a bad person-it just makes them human.

============================================================================

These are why he replies... you call out a narcissist with low-self-esteem and they think they HAVE to reply, 
even when there's no "story" or article to refute.

AlleyCat is one of the several people who dominate Rudy on a daily basis, keeping their bootheels on his 
little pencil neck to the amusement of all.

You probably spend a small amount of time feeling sorry for Rudy, but elated when this undeserved narcissist 
starts spouting his hate and bile. 

You see how Rudy treats other people (even fellow gays on the left), and it's quite funny. 

Have you ever wondered how to make a Rudy, the narcissist, miserable and what makes him afraid or triggered? 
(maybe for a second... then it's gone) 

Just for the record, trying to make Rudy, the narcissist, miserable might have its place for a short period 
of time, but I don't recommend focusing on it for too long as this will inevitably get old, like Rudy's 
insults. 

But, if you need a quik fix, let's get into the top things all narcissists, like Rudy, hate. (quick 
misspelled on purpose)

How to Make Rudy, the narcissist, Miserable 

Lack Of Acknowledgment: 

It's no secret that most narcissists, like Rudy, revel in admiration and validation (except for 'closet 
narcissists', like Rudy). Rudy depends on constant approval to maintain his sense of intrinsic worth. To 
achieve this goal, he TRIES to absorb (or steal) the energy of other people. 

"... you you no-fight faggot." - Rudy 

"... you toothless squat-to-piss no-fight faggot" - Rudy 

"Kicked your flabby faggot ass again. Yes." - Rudy 

"You a Squat-to-Piss Faggot." - Rudy 

Do you ever wonder why narcissists, like Rudy, don't seem to mind the negative attention? It's because 
negative attention also fuels his narcissistic fire. 

ANY NEGATIVITY IS STILL GETTING ATTENTION, AND ANY FORM OF ATTENTION GIVES HIM THE INCENTIVE TO KEEP GOING. 
IT GIVES him THE MOTIVATION TO KEEP PROVING HIMSELF. 

In fact, he often likes negative attention better, because if you're still amused by his emotional crimes, he 
can try to exploit this. 

Therefore, a lack of acknowledgment is the real threat. To Rudy, the narcissist, indifference is even more of 
an issue than hatred. Rudy's rather you have a negative opinion than have no opinion at all. 

(sick fuck) 

Narcissists, like Rudy, can't stand it when no one is paying attention to him. Rudy doesn't know how to feel 
important or special if he isn't the center of the universe or consuming someone's thoughts. This is also why 
the traditional Grey Rock method is often pointless and why complete avoidance is 
the best route (or extreme modified contact... just ignore the sick fuck). 

When People Speak Factually: 

Have you ever paid close attention to how Rudy, the narcissist, speaks? Rudy use excessive, long-winded 
language charged with grandiose emotion. 

"The disgusting gurgling, slurping sounds below are just the faggots Hartung, Sanitary Napkin and Bit of 
Nothingness enjoying a three-way" - Rudy 

"I've beaten *you* to a bloody pulp, you squat-to-piss *no-fight* faggot - every fucking time. You're a zero, 
as every, stale, squat-to-piss *no-fight* faggot who incessantly bleats about "mommy's basement" *ALWAYS* 
is." - Rudy, the basement dweller and overall mommy's boy. [giggle] 

"YOU lose, Nazi faggot." - Rudy 

Rudy skews reality to meet his world-view, and he believe his truth is always the truth. 

Additionally, through the use of cognitive empathy, he's spent his entire life observing the emotional 
language of other people and using it to his advantage. So, when you speak in facts instead of using emotion, 
he intuitively understands he has less of an upper hand. 

Therefore, he hates it when someone challenges him with facts instead of emotion. Rudy will usually retaliate 
with more arguing or hysteria. 

"Stupid lying shit-4-braincell Google Groups shitbag loser lied" - Rudy Canoza 

"Because I read the reliable news, you fucking toothless advanced-Alzheimer's shit-4-braincell Google Groups 
loser shitbag" 

"Imbecilic Google Groups loser shitbag." (his most ardent admirers, the gays, use Google Groups... tee hee) 

This childish response simply shows that he feel out-of-control. Rudy's attempt to elevate the conversation's 
intensity by throwing an emotional temper tantrum. 

"Hysterical histrionic estrogen-oozing squat-to-piss fairy, who was *NOT* a three-letter athlete, *NEVER* a 
bouncer, *NEVER* a golf pro, *NEVER* a lifeguard, *NEVER* dunked a basketball, and has *NEVER* been laid - 
squealed and shrieked." 

If anything, this dynamic only highlights the narcissist's immaturity. His inability to absorb facts 
demonstrates his incompetence in approaching most adult interactions. 

Rudy is not skilled in the language of facts because he is always lying and hiding things, so speaking 
factually throws him completely off-balance. 

Authority: 

Narcissists, like Rudy, detest authority. That's because he resents having to answer to anybody but himself 
(mommy orders him around, further compounding his anger). 

Any sense of authority threatens his inherent desire for power and control. 

It's not uncommon for narcissists, like Rudy, to have issues at work (LOL), school (LOL), or with the law. 
Has the narcissist in your life had multiple jobs? 

Is he frequently getting reprimanded for his behavior? 

While narcissists, like Rudy, can be intelligent, he often come across as combative and unfit in professional 
environments. If confronted by his inappropriate behavior, he tends to deny or rationalize his part. 

Of course, it's no surprise that most authority figures dislike working with narcissists, like Rudy. 
Supervisors (LOL) find him unruly and unreasonable. 

Rudy can't understand why the person can't follow basic directions without such volatile reactions. 

Being Told No: 

Of all things, Rudy, the narcissist, hates being told no (and actually following through with it) tops the 
list. Narcissists, like Rudy, are used to manipulating and weaseling his way into getting what he wants. 

Often, he'll pull all the stops to accomplish this task. He's spent his whole life charming people to meet 
his needs. 

That's why telling him no, and being adamant on your stance, often causes such an angry reaction. Rudy, the 
narcissist, isn't just upset about the denial - he's downright confused by it! 

Narcissists, like Rudy, can't actually fathom why someone would refuse him. Because he lacks real empathy, he 
can't understand what must be going on in your mind. Moreover, even if he tries to comprehend it, he refuses 
to accept this reality. 

Implementing Consequences: 

Have you ever tried to set a boundary with Rudy, the narcissist,? How well did it go? Most likely, you tried 
to implement a limit, and he reacted in one of three ways: 

Dismissing you altogether and gas-lighting your feelings, acknowledging his mistake (LOL), and then doing 
nothing to change, reacting with intense rage, threats, or even physical violence. 

"You impotent little cunt whom I would squash like a bug if I ever saw you." 

Narcissists, like Rudy, can't accept any real consequences. Rudy can't see when he's wrong, and he can't 
understand how someone would ever think he's wrong. And even if the narcissist understood this, he simply 
wouldn't care. As a result, he tends to react disproportionately to boundaries and 
serious conversations as a means to intimidate you and force you into compliance. 

Unfortunately, many people simply give up on trying to implement consequences with narcissists, like Rudy. 

Losing At Anything: 

Have you ever observed young children playing a board game? If so, you probably witnessed plenty of cheating 
behaviours and dramatic reactions to losing. It's acceptable when the players are three years old, but what 
happens when you're referring to full-fledged adults, like Rudy? 

Narcissists, like Rudy, can resemble toddlers, in that he tend to be extremely sore losers. Rudy struggles to 
accept losing, and he also tends to lash out when it happens. A few scenarios may occur: 

Rudy repeatedly proclaims a person on Usenet is incompetent. Rudy's attempt to defame or humiliate the 
winner. Rudy pretends he didn't care about winning. Rudy insists that he "let the other person" take the 
spotlight. Rudy refuses to accept that he lost and awkwardly acts as if he's the actual 
winner. 

Public Humiliation: 

Because narcissists, like Rudy, are sore losers, he can't handle real or perceived public humiliation. Rudy 
just can't tolerate the threat of failure. To him, public humiliation is the ultimate form of defeat. 

(and THAT'S why he HAS to be the last poster in a thread, if he has felt that he's been slighted, in the 
least) 

We all know that narcissists, like Rudy, have incredibly fragile egos. When he believes someone is making fun 
of him or if he's not the perceived expert or authority in a public setting, it jolts his existence. As a 
result, he'll do anything to protect his fragile ego. Some common responses include: 

Making violent or emotionally-charged threats: 

"I can kill you with one hand. You know this." 

Attempting to one-up the audience by turning on an ally: 

"No one aksed(sic) you, Google Groups faggot (wy aka edell, bruce2bowser, galt_ 57, B Hassleback, etc.)." - 
Rudy Canoza 

Screaming or yelling: 

*FAGGOT!* 

Walking away with obvious anger 

Laughing it off in public only to lash out later 

Making up lies about anyone who is a real expert 

Expectations of Commitment 

Most narcissists, like Rudy, are terrible with commitment. Although he believes he deserves all senses of 
loyalty, he doesn't usually provide it himself. As a result, when he gets into relationships (mommy only), he 
doesn't consider her needs. He's only accounting for his own emotions, impulses, and 
desires. 

Unfortunately, his mother holds onto wistful hope about her narcissist changing. She listens to how the 
narcissist praises and adores her. She holds onto fleeting promises that this time will be different. 

Yet, Rudy, the narcissist makes all the rules. Rudy decides what he wants to do, and he does it when he wants 
to do it. Therefore, he can break and change the rules in ways that suits him. 

99% of Other People: 

How many friends does your narcissist have? Probably very few (more like NONE). Usually, his only friends are 
other people who validate his narcissism, like mommy. 

Subsequently, how often do you hear Rudy complain about other people? (ALL THE TIME) More times than you can 
count, probably! That's because a single wrongdoing often results in lifetime resentment. One mistake 
tarnishes an entire reputation. 

Narcissists, like Rudy, struggle to get along with anyone who doesn't fit into his falsified worldview. Rudy 
can't stand to be challenged. Rudy can't tolerate the ideas that other people may know more than him. 

If he's a cerebral narcissist, he is convinced that he is unique and should only associate with other special 
or high-status individuals. In fact, when confronted with anything that contradicts his sense of god-like 
stature, you can bet that his reaction will be explosive and malicious. 

Therefore, narcissists, like Rudy, can't tolerate people who actually live in reality. That's why you rarely 
see people with strong boundaries tolerating narcissists, like Rudy, for very long. 

When You Change The Status Quo: 

Narcissists, like Rudy, hate change when it's out of his control. When you challenge Rudy, the narcissist, he 
remains in a defeating pattern full of resentment and frustration, lashing out to make himself feel dominate. 

=============================================================================================================

AlleyCat is one of the several people who dominate Rudy on a daily basis, keeping their bootheels on his 
little pencil neck to the amusement of all.

Psychologist Stephen Johnson writes that a narcissist is someone who has "buried his true self-expression in 
response to EARLY INJURIES and replaced it with a highly developed, compensatory FALSE SELF."

This alternate personna often comes across as grandiose, "above others," self-absorbed, and highly conceited.

[giggle]

Gaslighting is a form of persistent manipulation and brainwashing that causes the victim to doubt her or 
himself, and to ultimately lose one's own sense of perception, identity, and self-worth. A gaslighter's 
statements and accusations are often based on deliberate falsehoods and calculated marginalization. The term 
gaslighting is derived from the 1944 film Gaslight, where a husband tries to convince his wife that she's 
insane by causing her to question herself and her reality.

Multiple studies and writings have been done on the impact of narcissism and gaslighting on relationships(1)
(2)(3)(4)(5)(6). While each of these often destructive pathologies is unique, there are certain behavioral 
overlaps. Following are six common traits, with references from my books: "How to Successfully Handle 
Narcissists" and "How to Successfully Handle Gaslighters & Stop Psychological Bullying". Not all narcissists 
and gaslighters possess every characteristic identified below. However, chronic narcissists and gaslighters 
are likely to exhibit at least several of the following on a regular basis.

1. Frequent Lies and Exaggerations

Both narcissists and gaslighters are prone to frequent lies and exaggerations (about themselves and others), 
and have the tendency of lifting themselves up by putting others down. While narcissists often strive to make 
themselves seem superior and "special" by showing off, bragging, taking undeserved credit, and other forms of 
self-aggrandizement, gaslighters tend to concentrate on making you feel inferior through false accusations, 
constant criticism, and psychological intimidation. Both narcissists and gaslighters can be adept at 
distortion of facts, deliberate falsehoods, character assassinations, and negative coercions. One key 
difference is that while the narcissist lies and exaggerates to boost their fragile self-worth, the 
gaslighter does so to augment their domination and control.

2. Rarely Admit Flaws and Are Highly Aggressive When Criticized

Many narcissists and gaslighters have thin skin and can react poorly when called to account for their 
negative behavior. When challenged, the narcissist is likely to either fight (e.g., temper tantrum, excuse-
making, denial, blame, hypersensitivity, etc.) or take flight (bolt out the door, avoidance, silent 
treatment, sulking resentment, or other forms of passive-aggression). The gaslighter nearly always resorts to 
escalation by doubling or tripling down on their false accusations or coercions, to intimidate or oppress 
their opponent. Many gaslighters view relationships as inherently competitive rather than collaborative; a 
zero-sum game where one is either a winner or a loser, on top or at the bottom. "Offense is the best 
defense" is a mantra for many gaslighters, which also represents their aggressive method of relating to 
people.
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3. False Image Projection

"My husband always wants people to see him as successful, powerful, and envy-worthy, no matter how shaky his 
real life actually is." -Anonymous partner of narcissist

Both narcissists and gaslighters tend to project false, idealized images of themselves to the world, in order 
to hide their inner insecurities. Many narcissists like to impress others by making themselves look good 
externally. This "trophy complex" can exhibit itself physically, romantically, sexually, socially, 
religiously, financially, materially, professionally, academically, or culturally. The underlying message of 
this display is: "I'm better than you!" or "Look at how special I am - I'm worthy of everyone's love, 
admiration, and acceptance!"

Gaslighters, on the other hand, often create an idealized self-image of being the dominant, suppressive alpha 
male or female in personal relationships, at the workplace, or in high-profile positions of society (such as 
politics and media). Many gaslighters like to view themselves falsely as all-powerful and strong, capable of 
dishing out judgments and penalties at will. Pathological gaslighters often take pride and boost themselves 
up by marginalizing those whom they perceive as weaker, believing that the meek deserve their downtrodden 
fate. They attack their victims with direct or subtle cruelty and contempt, gaining sadistic pleasure from 
these offenses, and betraying a lack of empathy and humanity.

In essence, narcissists want others to worship them, while gaslighters want others to submit to them. In a 
big way, these external facades become pivotal parts of their false identities, replacing the real and 
insecure self.

4. Rule Breaking and Boundary Violation

Many narcissists and gaslighters enjoy getting away with violating rules and social norms. Examples of 
narcissistic trespass include cutting in line, chronic under-tipping, personal space intrusion, borrowing 
items without returning, using other's properties without asking, disobeying traffic laws, breaking 
appointments, and negating promises. Examples of gaslighting trespass include direct or subtle marginalizing 
remarks, public or private shaming and humiliation, sardonic humor and sarcastic comments, internet trolling, 
angry and hateful speech, and virulent attacks on undesirable individuals and groups.
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Both narcissist and gaslighter boundary violations presume entitlement, with a narrow, egocentric orientation 
that oppresses and de-humanizes their victims. In severe cases, this boundary violation pathology may result 
in illicit and underhanded dealings, financial abuse, sexual harassment, date rape, domestic abuse, hate 
crimes, human rights violations, and other forms of criminality. Many narcissists and gaslighters take pride 
in their destructive behaviors, as their machinations provide them with a hollow (and desperate) sense of 
superiority and privilege.

5. Emotional Invalidation and Coercion

Although narcissists and gaslighters can be (but are not always) physically abusive, for the majority of 
their victims, emotional suffering is where the damage is most painfully felt. Both narcissists and 
gaslighters enjoy spreading and arousing negative emotions in order to feel powerful, and keep you insecure 
and off-balance. They habitually invalidate others' thoughts, feelings, and priorities, showing little 
remorse for causing people in their lives pain. They often blame their victims for having caused their own 
victimization ("You wouldn't get yelled at if you weren't so stupid!").

In addition, many narcissists and gaslighters have unpredictable mood swings and are prone to emotional drama 
- you never know what might displease them and set them off. They become upset at any signs of independence 
and self-affirmation ("Who do you think you are!?"). They turn agitated if you disagree with their views or 
fail to meet their expectations. As mentioned earlier, they are sensitive to criticism, but quick to judge 
others. By keeping you down and making you feel inferior, they boost their fragile ego, and feel more 
reassured about themselves.

6. Manipulation: The Use or Control of Others as an Extension of Oneself

Both narcissists and gaslighters have a tendency to make decisions for others to suit their own agenda. 
Narcissists may use their romantic partner, child, family, friend, or colleague to meet unreasonable self-
serving needs, fulfill unrealized dreams, or cover-up weaknesses and shortcomings. Narcissists are also fond 
of using guilt, blame, and victim-hood as manipulative devices.
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Gaslighters conduct psychological manipulation toward individuals and groups through persistent distortion of 
the truth, with the intention of causing their victims to question themselves and feel less confident. In 
personal and/or professional environments, they manipulate by micromanaging (controlling) relationships, 
including telling others how they should think, feel, and behave under the gaslighter's unreasonable 
restrictions and scrutiny. They often become critical, angry, intimidating, and/or hostile toward those who 
fail to bow down to their directives. Gaslighter manipulation is often highly aggressive, with punitive 
measures (tangible or psychological) executed toward those who fail to recognize and obey their self-
perceived authority.

Perhaps the biggest distinction between narcissists and gaslighters is that narcissists use and exploit, and 
gaslighters dominate and control. While the narcissist does so to compensate for a desperate sense of 
deficiency (of being unloved as the real self), the gaslighter does so to hide their ever-present insecurity 
(of being powerless and losing control). Both of these pathological types betray an inability and/or 
unwillingness to relate to people genuinely and equitably as human beings. They become "special" and 
"superior" by being less human and by de-humanizing others.

In the worst-case scenario, some individuals possess traits of both narcissism and gaslighting. This is a 
highly toxic and destructive combination of vanity, manipulation, bullying, and abuse - all unleashed in 
order to compensate for the perpetrator's deep-seated sense of inadequacy and fear.

=========================================================================================================== 

AlleyCat is one of the several people who dominate Rudy on a daily basis, keeping their bootheels on his 
little pencil neck to the amusement of all.

Rudy's, Dilemma: He Can Dish It Out, But Crawls Upstairs and Cries To Mommy When Someone Shows Him For What 
He Is... An UNdeserved Narcissist

"When Criticized, narcissists, like Rudy, Show Himself Woefully Incapable of Retaining Any Emotional Poise, 
Or Receptivity."

Sure, Rudy Thinks That Many Defenses Protect Him, But He's Only Fooling 
Himself... It's a Cry For Help 

The Basics: 

What Is Narcissism? 

Find A Therapist Who Understands Narcissism 

(Usenet is Rudy's therapist and therapy... you're welcome) 

Such a universal tendency is elevated almost to an art form with those 
afflicted, like Rudy, with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD). 

When criticized, Rudy the narcissist, shows himself woefully incapable of 
retaining any emotional poise, or receptivity, and it really doesn't much 
matter whether the nature of that criticism is constructive or destructive. He 
just doesn't seem to be able to take criticism, period. 

(Rudy can't go to bed or sleep, if there's an article left dangling, that shows 
him to be the undeserved narcissist that he is, hence his replying to EVERY 
article, as if THAT shows me... LOL) 

At the same time, Rudy the disturbed individual, demonstrates an abnormally 
developed capacity to criticize others ("dish it out", so to speak to "him", 
even going as far as not even writing on the topic at hand). 

(giggle... PERFECT) 

Although Rudy the narcissist can't, or won't, show it, all perceived criticism 
feels gravely threatening to him - the reason that his inflamed, over-the-top 
reactions to it can leave us surprised and confused. 

(not really.. it IS Rudy, after all) 

Deep down, and clinging desperately not simply to a positive but grandiose 
sense of self, Rudy feels compelled at all costs to block out any negative 
feedback about himself, (hence the never-ending replies to ANY article about 
him.) 

Rudy's dilemma is that the rigidity of his defenses, his inability ever to let 
his guard down, guarantees that he'll never get what he most needs, which he 
himself is sadly oblivious of. 

To better grasp why narcissists, like Rudy, , like Rudy, are so ready to attack 
others and so unable to deal with being attacked himself, it's useful to 
understand something about his childhood. 

People aren't born narcissistic-it's powerful environmental influences that 
cause him to become so. 

(BINGO!) 

As a caveat, however, I should add that no single theory adequately accounts 
for every instance of NPD. The explanation I'll be offering, though seminal 
among those proposed, is still just one of several. But even though it's a bit 
oversimplified, I think it elucidates the essential dynamic of the narcissistic 
defense system better than any of the theoretical alternatives. 

Briefly, while growing up, future narcissists, like Rudy, had many reasons to doubt whether he was good 
enough.

Neglected and ignored, or constantly disparaged and berated by his parents, 
Rudy was held to unrealistically high standards of behavior. 

His caretakers were quick to judge him whenever he failed to live up to such 
unreasonable, perfectionist expectations. 

As a result, he couldn't help but feel defective, not okay, and insecure, 
doubting his fundamental worth as a human. 

In most instances, neither did he feel cared about or wanted-as though he were 
factory seconds, to be tolerated but not respected or loved. 

Anxiously experiencing his bond to his parents as tenuous, in his head, he 
cultivated an imaginary "ideal self" (taller and more well-hung... LOL) that 
could get the parental acceptance, even adulation, he craved. 

If narcissistic adults project an air of importance, superiority, entitlement, 
and grandiosity, it's a pronounced reaction, or OVER-reaction, to the massive 
self-doubt that he keep well-hidden beneath his self-satisfied facade he 
present to others. 

Rudy's marked lack of accurate empathy for the feelings, wants, and needs of 
others is all too well known. But what is less appreciated is that this 
deficiency represents an unfortunate consequence of his growing up so 
preoccupied with his own frustrated needs, and emotional distress generally, 
that he could never develop sufficient sensitivity to others. Intensely driven 
to succeed, or at least see himself as successful, his focus inevitably became 
myopic, pathologically self-centered. Others simply weren't in his line of 
(tunnel) vision. 

Without any clear recognition of what's motivating Rudy in his relationships 
as an adult, he continues to seek the encouragement, support, and acceptance 
denied him earlier. 

Yet, however unconsciously, at the same time, he's cultivated the strongest 
defenses against ever having to feel so excruciatingly vulnerable again. And so 
when Rudy criticized, or think Rudy being criticized, Rudy is compelled to 
react aggressively, in the frantic effort to avoid re-experiencing the terrible 
feelings of loneliness, abandonment, or rejection he suffered when he were 
younger. 

It's especially suggestive that two common terms in the psychoanalytic 
literature used to describe NPD are "narcissistic injury" and "narcissistic 
rage." The "injury" results from his parents' deficiencies in being able to 
adequately nurture him, and so make him feel loved, a prerequisite for 
self-love. 

This is why he needs to prove himself constantly, arrogantly claiming 
superiority over others that can make himself feel "good enough" to be loved. 

"My education surpasses yours by far, "Fix-it guy at Citco." You know this." 

"It's a neologism - a very good one at that. It describes when a highly 
literate person like me inadvertently - and *rarely* - uses the wrong 
word." 

But ironically, it serves in time only to alienate others. (duh) 

It's precisely this need to be viewed as perfect, superlative, or infallible 
that makes Rudy so hypersensitive to criticism. 

His typical reaction to criticism, disagreement, challenges can lead to the 
"narcissistic rage" that is another of his trademarks. 

"I'm probably wasting my time, because stupid, plodding, knuckle-dragging 
right-wingnuts are not amenable to instruction..." 

"Jane, you rancid mackerel-reeking cunt." 

To protect his delicate ego in the face of such intensely felt danger, Rudy's 
decidedly at risk for going ballistic against his perceived adversary. 

This indicates why his artificially bloated sense of self is so fragile. Given 
the enormity of his defenses, he regard himself not on a par with, but above, 
others. 

Yet Rudy's mortally threatened when anyone dares question his words or 
behavior. Ancient fears about not being accepted are never that far from the 
surface, which is why narcissists, like Rudy, must forever be on his guard with 
anyone who might disbelieve or doubt him. For any external expression of doubt 
can tap into his own self-doubts. 

And this is why, though he can certainly "dish it out", he just can't "take it" 
himself. Obviously, if the child self was unequivocally convinced about his 
basic acceptability-adequately integrated into his adult self-he wouldn't need 
to boast about his accomplishments, or vehemently debate anyone who took 
exception to his viewpoint. But narcissists, like Rudy, see his best defense 
as mandating a good offense. 

To sum up the above, when criticized, narcissists, like Rudy, can begin to 
experience anxiety or degradation. A certain shame at his non-family-bonded 
core may rise perilously close to consciousness. By way of safeguarding himself 
from such never-resolved feelings of worthlessness or defeat, Rudy's likely to 
react to present-day threats with contempt or defiance, or with verbal violence 
frequently referred to as narcissistic rage. 

Exquisitely susceptible to criticism because it endangers his frail sense of 
internal validation, he takes great pains to devalue or invalidate the person 
criticizing him. To achieve such a dismissal, he'll do everything possible to 
negate their viewpoint.

This can include much more than blaming or indignantly challenging him.
When Rudy's position has been exposed as false, arbitrary, or untenable,
he will suddenly become evasive, articulate half-truths, lie, flat-out
contradict himself and freely rewrite history (making things up as he go along).

This is why at such times, he doesn't seem like an adult, so much as a 6-year-old.

And in fact, when others inadvertently trigger mini emotional crises in him, there's
little doubt that, both cognitively and emotionally, he can regress. 

So what's the final cost of all of Rudy's efforts to ward off what 
constitutes for him the unbearable sting of criticism? As already suggested, 
it's immense. Though not consciously realized by him, his heart's deepest 
desire is to form an intimate bond with another that would successfully address 
the huge void left by his parents' denigration or neglect.

But because Rudy's so strongly motivated to avoid re-experiencing this keenly
felt hurt, his overpowering defenses prevent him from letting anyone get close
enough to assist him in recovering from his pain.

(poor mommy!)

A pain that he conceals quite as much from himself as others.

============================================================================

:Bottom

This Is Why Rudy Can't Admit He's Wrong

Rudy's Low Self Esteem FORCES Him To Reply, Even When There's NOTHING To Reply TO


They say it takes a big person to admit their mistakes, but for Rudy, saying he's wrong feels impossible.

Be it your partner, your boss or, God forbid, your in-laws, dealing with Rudy, even when faced with 
overwhelming evidence of a bungle, just can't cop blame can be frustrating.

(this is perfect)

But why does Rudy do it? We've asked psychologist Dr. Tim Sharp, chief happiness officer at The Happiness 
Institute, to explain:

THEY THINK BEING WRONG MEANS THEY'RE UNWORTHY - Yup... Low-Self-Esteem

For Rudy, conceding that he's fallible can evoke a deep psychological anxiety regarding "the risks or the 
consequences associated with loss or failure," says Sharp.

"I think the reason Rudy can't apologize isn't actually because they don't like to be wrong, but because it's 
seen as an inherent character fault," he explains.

[giggle]

Sharp says that for non-apologists, the irrational need to always be "perfect" rules their ego and they feel 
their screw-ups are unforgivable.

"The difficulty in admitting failure largely comes from the unrealistic expectation that 'I should get it 
right all the time,'" he says.

Rudy Thinks Never Admitting Fault Makes Him Look Stronger

(this is perfect)

For Rudy, appearing apologetic is congruent to appearing weak, but Sharp says they could not be more wrong, 
because a good leader admits their mistakes.

"There's some actually very interesting research that leaders who express vulnerability and are more open to 
being fallible tend to be more highly regarded," the expert explains.

According to him, a boss' deep sense of accountability can inspire people to think of them as "highly 
trusted" and conjure "higher levels of engagement and productivity."

"This makes sense because if someone is saying, 'I'm 100 percent perfect, I'm 100 percent right all the 
time,' that's pretty hard to believe," says the psychologist.

(THAT'S our Rudy)

"I'd find it hard to trust that person because there's no one I know 100 percent perfect.

Whereas if Rudy would say, 'You know, I'm going to do my best but I'll make mistakes sometimes, I'll get it 
wrong, I'm sorry but I'll try to fix it,'... to me, that's more believable. I'd be more trusting of that sort 
of person."

They Don't Value The Truth

(NO liberal does... THAT'S their M.O.)

For Rudy, the fact is he "doesn't necessarily value truth and honesty," says Sharp.

"While I personally value truth and honesty, what I've come to learn, which I find hard to understand but 
it's just a reality, is that Rudy doesn't value those things as highly as me," says Sharp.

Taking political discussion as an example, the expert says Rudy, who eats up "fake news" propaganda, doesn't 
value facts. When it comes to the truth, the expert warns that Rudy "will literally say, 'I don't really 
care.'"

"Rudy doesn't care about it because he values other aspects of what they're perceiving much more," he says.

Citing the upsurge of alt-left political movements around the world, Sharp says how Rudy approaches a 
situation will often reveal whether facts or feelings will influence them more.

"[Logical people] will look for facts and information and data and make their decisions accordingly," he 
explains. "Other people make their decisions based on much more emotion. Now the problem comes when you try 
to talk logic to an emotional person because it just won't wear...  you're talking different 
languages.