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On Mon, 28 Oct 2024 12:54:52 -0500,  super70s says...  

> >>> That guy has more Christine Blasey Ford's in his life than anyone I've
> >>> ever seen, what is it about 30+.
> >> 
> >> Probably more.
> >> 
> >> Jealous, toddler?
> > LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!
> 
> If you're going to quote The Troll (who I have shitcanned) I'd 
> appreciate it if you didn't reuse his vandalized headers. Thank you.

You ain't "shitcanned" no one, liar.

If you truly have, you wouldn't see ANY of the subsequent replies to me. Are you just shitty at writing filters?

Here:  I'm sure there's a lesson in there somewhere, Toddler.

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=====

stupor70's toddler behaviour:

A) Someone's psychological or emotional age is often evident in emotional reactions and habits.

B) Signs of emotional toddler behaviour include emotional escalations, blaming, 
lies, and name-calling.

C) Someone who is an emotionally Toddler may also have poor impulse control, 
need to be the center of attention, or ENGAGE IN BULLYING.

1.	Emotional escalations

2.	Blaming

3.	Lies

4.	Name-calling

5.	Impulsivity-or as therapists say, "poor impulse control"

6.	Need to be the center of attention

7.	Bullying

8.	Budding narcissism

9.	Immature defenses

10.	No observing ego-that is, no ability to see, acknowledge, and learn from 	their mistakes

How can you assess if an adult functions emotionally more like a toddler? As a therapist who works extensively with couples, I have learned 
that almost any client can look reasonably "adult" when I meet with him or her individually.

By contrast, seeing the same client in a couples therapy session where spouses are interacting gives me vastly more data. Mistaken, 
immature, and pathological behaviors all become much more visible. I also see the extent to which each partner's actions are rude, hurtful, 
or even dangerously Toddlerish-or calm, respectful, and maturely adult.


What Is Emotional Age?

A psychologist from Africa with whom I once spoke at an international psychology conference explained to me that in his country, it was 
common to assess people in terms of both physical age and emotional age.

Physical age can be counted by number of birthdays. Physical age, especially with toddlers, also tends to correlate with height, strength, 
and cognitive functioning. Psychological or emotional age, by contrast, becomes evident in emotional reactions and habits. For instance, 
adults can stay calm whereas toddler tend to be quicker to anger. Adults exercise careful judgment before talking whereas toddler may 
impulsively blurt out tactless, hurtful words.

If toddlers want a car or doll that another toddler is playing with, they are likely to reach out and take the item. Most preschoolers get 
mad or cry multiple times every day, even if they are basically well-nurtured and happy kids. The rules of adult play, like taking turns or 
not grabbing, have not yet begun to shape their behavior. Youngsters do not act in a consistently civil manner because they have not yet 
internalized the rules of "civilized" adults.

Behaviors that are normal for toddler however, look Toddlerish and rude when adults do them.


CAN YOU RECOGNIZE TODDLERISH ADULT BEHAVIOR?

One way to think about how young toddler differ from emotionally mature adults is to picture kids you know-maybe even your own toddler, 
grandtoddler, nieces, nephews, and neighbors. How do these toddler differ from adults that you know and respect?

Before reading my list of characteristics that I look for, you might want to jot down a list of the traits that you noticed in your 
visualization. Please share with other readers in the comments below this article if you spotted some traits that I missed.


10 SIGNS OF EMOTIONAL TODDLER BEHAVIOUR

How many of the following signs of emotional immaturity does your list include?

Emotional escalations: Young toddlers often cry, get mad, or outwardly appear 
petulant and pouting. Grownups seldom do.

Blaming: When things go wrong, young toddler look to blame someone. Grownups look to fix the problem.

Lies: When there's a situation that's uncomfortable, young toddler might lie to stay out of trouble. Grownups deal with reality, reliably 
speaking the truth.

Name-calling: toddler call each other names. Adults seek to understand issues. Adults do not make ad hominen attacks, that is, attacks on 
people's personal traits. Instead, they attack the problem. They do not disrespect others with mean labels.

There is one exception. Sometimes adults, just like firefighters who battle forest fires, have to fight fire with fire. They may need to 
use "fire" to manage an angry toddler or an out-of-bounds adult, in order to get them to cease their bad behavior.

Impulsivity-or as therapists say, "poor impulse control": toddler strike out impulsively when they feel hurt or mad. They speak recklessly 
or take impulsive action without pausing to think about the potential consequences. Similarly, instead of listening to others' viewpoints, 
they impulsively interrupt them. 

Adults pause, resisting the impulse to shoot out hurtful words or actions. They calm themselves. They then think through the problem, 
seeking more information and analyzing options.

Again, some instances of acting on impulse can be hallmarks of mature behavior. Soldiers and police, for instance, are trained to 
discriminate rapidly between harmless and dangerous situations so that they can respond quickly enough to protect potential victims of 
criminal actions.

Need to be the center of attention: Ever tried to have adult dinner conversations with a two-year-old at the table? Did attempts to launch 
a discussion with others at the table result in the toddler getting fussy?

Bullying: A toddler who is physically larger than other toddler his age can walk up to another child who is playing with a toy he would 
like and simply take it. The other child may say nothing lest the bully turns on them with hostility. In many cases, it's safer just to let 
a bully have what he wants. Adults, on the other hand, respect boundaries: Yours is yours and mine is mine.

Budding narcissism: In an earlier post, I coined the term tall man syndrome for one way that narcissism can develop. If toddler-or adults-
can get whatever they want because they are bigger, stronger, or richer, they become at risk of learning that the rules don't apply to 
them. Whatever they want, they take. This narcissistic tendency may initially look like strength. But in reality, it reflects a serious 
weakness: being unable to see beyond the self.

Psychologically strong people listen to others, hoping to understand others' feelings, concerns and preferences. Narcissists hear only 
themselves and are emotionally brittle as a result. They operate like toddler who want to stay out and play-even though dinner is on the 
table-and who pitch a fit rather than heed their parent's explanation that the family is eating now. Their mindset, in short, is "It's all 
about me." In the eyes of a narcissist, no one else counts; if they don't get their way, they may result to pouting or bullying in order to 
do so.

Immature defenses: Freud coined the term defense mechanisms for ways in which individuals protect themselves and/or get what they want. 
Adults use defense mechanisms like listening to others' concerns as well as to their own. They then engage in collaborative problem-
solving. These responses to difficulties signal psychological maturity. toddler tend to regard the best defense as a strong offense. While 
that defensive strategy may work in football, attacking anyone who expresses a viewpoint different from what they want is, in life, a 
primitive defense mechanism.

Another primitive defense is denial: "I didn't say that!" or "I never did that!" when in fact they did say or do the thing they claim not 
to have done. Sound toddler-like to you?

No observing ego-that is, no ability to see, acknowledge, and learn from their mistakes: When emotionally mature adults "lose their cool" 
and express anger inappropriately, they soon after, with their "observing ego," realize that their outburst was inappropriate. That is, 
they can see with hindsight that their behavior was out of line with their value system. They can see if their outburst has been, as 
therapists say, ego dystonic (against their value system).

Adults who have not yet internalized mature guidelines of respectful behavior toward others, or who have not developed ability to observe 
their behaviors to judge what's in line and what's out of line, see their anger as normal. They regard their emotional outbursts as ego 
syntonic, that is, perfectly fine, justifying them by blaming the other person. In other words, "I only did it because you made me."

If you or someone you know functions more like a toddler than like a grown-up, what are your options?

It's easy to love toddler who act like toddler. It's harder to love someone who acts like a toddler in the body of a grownup. Still, most 
toddler-like adults only act like Toddlers when they feel under threat.

Therefore, if you love someone who has Toddler-like sides, one strategy is to focus primarily on the more adult and attractive aspects of 
the person. If you are the toddler-like one, love your strengths-and pay attention to growing in your less mature habit areas.

Another strategy is to cease being surprised when the Toddler-like patterns emerge. Thinking, "I can't believe that s/he/I did that!" 
signifies that you have not yet accepted the reality of the toddler-like behaviors. Accepting that the behaviors do occur is a first and 
vital step toward change.

Third, if you are the receiver of Toddler-like behaviors, beware of trying to change the other person. Instead, figure out what you can do 
differently so those patterns will no longer be problematic for you. Your job is to keep growing yourself, not to change others.

Lastly, learn the skills of adult functioning. Much of what grown-up "toddler" do can be considered as a skills deficit. If you tend to be 
Toddler-like, learning adult skills can move you into grownup-ville. My book and workbook called The Power of Two should help as well.

And if you generally function as a grownup, the more clear you are about what constitutes grown-up behavior, the more you will be able to 
stay a grownup-even when you are interacting with someone who is acting like a toddler.

Susan Heitler, Ph.D.