Davin News Server

On Fri, 26 Apr 2024 10:58:26 -0700,  Rudy Canoza says...  

> You lose again, pussy. You *always* lose.

Naaah... you ALWAYS lose... loser.


When The Narcissist Loses

A Cautionary Examination of How Narcissists React To Failure

Key points

Any public embarrassment of a narcisist can cause them to unleash further 
anger, rage, attacks, unethical comportment, and incivility.

Even in light of factual evidence to the contrary, a narcissist who fails will 
lie more profusely and adamantly.

As a narcissist faces failure, arrest, indictment, or dismissal, they will 
endlessly air their grievances.

Not without cause, malignant narcissism is one of the most searched-for topics 
on the internet in part because seemingly there are so many people that appear 
to have those toxic traits that negatively impact us. These individuals are 
notorious because they destabilize our lives, make us feel insecure, 
undervalued, disparaged, or inconsequential, and as I noted in my book, 
Dangerous Personalities, they can victimize us emotionally, physically, and 
even financially. They come into our lives as family members, friends, lovers, 
spouses, colleagues at work, bosses, or worst as national leaders. Once they 
enter our orbit, no matter how distant, toxicity is what they have in common 
and they always leave a debris field of human suffering behind them.

By now, we recognize how dangerous these individuals are, precisely because 
their pathology drives so much of their sordid behavior, especially toward 
others. Their common traits such as a hyper-inflated sense of entitlement, 
grandiose feelings of superiority or uniqueness, delusions of infallibility, 
incessant disregard for the truth, perennial conniving and scheming to take 
advantage of others, feeling that rules and laws don't apply to them, and of 
course the need to debase others, coupled with callousness, not only wears on 
us, it can have devastating consequences.

The one area that is rarely talked about when it comes to malignant narcissists 
is what happens when they fail. Failure in private, at work, or as leaders for 
the narcissist can be quite disquieting if not traumatic for the rest of us. As 
Stuart Yudofsky notes in Fatal Flaws, these individuals are so severely "flawed 
of character," that they handle failure much differently than you and I because 
they are not introspective or capable of reform, and are lacking in empathy for 
others.

We often see narcissists in glowing terms as successful leaders of industry, or 
as heads of state, and yet, more often than not, their malignancy will likely, 
in time, ensure their own downfall, failure, or even arrest. Be it because they 
cheat on taxes, because they embezzle money, they circumvent rules and laws, 
they cheat business partners, they devalue and torment their family or domestic 
partner to the point of divorce, or in the case of cults (thinking of Jim Jones 
and Charles Manson here) or as national leaders, they can lead their followers 
or their nation into actions that are destructive. And so, when calamity 
strikes or failure of some sort is inevitable, how the narcissist reacts and 
what we, as potential victims of their actions can expect to see, is what this 
article is about.

As with many personality disorders, those who are severely flawed of character, 
but especially the narcissist, when they face public disgrace, when they are 
outed as criminals or for their misbehavior, or when they fail in a very public 
way-that is when they become metastable, placing us as family, friends, co-
workers, corporations, the public, or a nation in greatest danger. When things 
begin to sour for the narcissist, here is what we can expect:

They will falsely claim that everything is fine and that there is nothing 
wrong. They will try to first misdirect us or claim there is nothing to the 
allegations or circumstances.

If evidence is presented, they will seek to have it invalidated or claim that 
it is false, fake, or a product of vague conspiracies, but most certainly not 
true.

Any evidence presented, and those that present it will be attacked aggressively 
and vindictively. The better the evidence, the more aggressive the attack. 
Individuals who are doing the right thing by reporting criminal acts, unethical 
behavior, or failings are to be discredited, humiliated, hounded, and bullied-
not even their families are to be spared if need be. The narcissist will engage 
supporters or enablers to simultaneously attack those who offer proof or 
evidence, even if it embarrassingly exposes their poodle-like behavior as that 
of spineless sycophants.

Foolproof evidence will be portrayed as false and the result of pettiness, 
jealousies, bad actors, malicious individuals, negativity, haters, enemies, 
losers, conspirators, opposition, gain seekers, the faithless (usually seen in 
religious groups or cults), or as we are seeing now in American politics, "fake 
news" or "deep state" actors. There is always a large constellation of people 
to blame, the narcissist casts wide to see which vacuous claim resonates, 
especially with their supporters.

As they lash out with vindictiveness, the malignant narcissist will continue to 
talk about themselves in glowing terms; irrespective of their actual situation, 
as they are incapable of introspection, much less contriteness. They will 
trumpet their greatness, their achievements (real or imagined), their faux 
infallibility, and even portray themselves as worthy of being revered rather 
than reviled.

They will seek to find someone to blame for their troubles or downfall, 
preferably someone that cannot defend themselves. A scapegoat is always useful 
and when there is not a real one, one will be invented. If they are not 
promoted or fired, it is because a cabal at work was against them. If they 
cheat their business partners, it was because they deserved it. If the wife 
gets the kids in a divorce settlement, it is because of her dastardly attorney, 
not his abominable behavior. If they lose an election it is because of campaign 
managers, unappreciative voters, trickery, fraud, or some other kind of 
malfeasance on the part of a conspiracy (conspiracies are useful to the 
narcissist because they conveniently require no evidence). As they are not 
married to the truth, they will prattle countless baseless reasons that all 
point away, never at themselves.

As circumstances become dire, the narcissist will not take any responsibility-
ever. Anything that has gone wrong is the responsibility of others. They will 
blame spouses as undeserving of their greatness, ignorant colleagues who just 
don't measure up, the disloyal (Oh, they love to blame the disloyal), those who 
abide by rules and laws because ironically, they abide by rules and laws, or 
those that just clearly did not understand the very specialness of the 
narcissist. Everyone, and I mean everyone from people long gone, to the 
peripherally connected, to the earthly departed will be blamed for the failure 
or downfall of the narcissist. Once more it is never their fault.

In the process of casting blame, even the most loyal and stalwart will be 
discarded and denigrated if needed with reptilian indifference. For the 
malignant narcissist, there is only the "good" - those that provide blind, 
unwavering loyalty and who are useful, and everyone else who is an enemy, 
useless, and thus "bad." Whether you are in or out, good or bad, is not 
determined by history, by friendship, sacrifices, or how well you have 
performed in the past-it is determined by the capricious and selfish needs of 
the narcissist, and that can change in a moment.

Expect lies to increase and to be repeated exponentially. They will, even in 
light of factual evidence to the contrary, lie more profusely and adamantly. 
Lies are and always will be the number one tool of the malignant narcissist. 
The only difference now is that in facing failure or public ridicule, the lies 
must increase in frequency and audacity to the point of incredulity. The 
narcissist will expect supporters, the unethical, and enablers to lie for them 
or even create plausible alibies. That they imperil others by compelling them 
to lie is the collateral damage the malignant narcissist does as they thrash in 
despair when they are failing or caught.

And while lies will increase, so too will be the need to devalue others in 
order to further value themselves. They will attack everyone and anyone in the 
most vicious and vindictive ways. This is when we see their rage come through. 
Not just anger, but unbridled rage. They will say things that shock the 
conscience and they expect everyone to swallow what they say, much as their 
enablers do. The most decent of persons will be attacked, mocked, ridiculed, 
and turned into a human chew-toy as the narcissist unleashes untethered rage 
and hatred. They will dip down into a bottomless cauldron of antipathy and like 
an arterial spurt, will spew this toxic brew far and wide with metronomic 
regularity.

The malignant narcissist, lacking guilt or a conscience, is only concerned with 
respect and not being publicly shamed. Any kind of public embarrassment will 
cause them further anger, further rage, further attacks, further unethical 
comportment, and unprecedented incivility.

If the narcissist is going to be brought down, they will also seek to bring 
everyone else around them down to vindictively make them suffer. How the 
narcissist vilifies, lashes out, or destroys others (spouse, friends, business 
partners, workmates, the general public) is up to the morbid creativity and 
depravity of the malignant narcissist, the viable tools they have available, 
and of course how dire or desperate the situation. The internet and social 
media are certainly useful as lives can be ruined with a single tweet. But so 
are guns and rifles, poison, and even assassins for hire. And if they command a 
country, they can put the security organs or the military to work on their 
behalf.

In certain situations, as the end nears, the suffering of others is paramount 
to the malignant narcissist. It is their way of elevating themselves-sick as 
that sounds-by malevolently paying back society with even more suffering. As 
they lash out, they will show no concern or empathy because they have none. If 
others are suffering because of their actions, the narcissist simply does not 
care. Lacking a conscience or any kind of remorse, much like Robert Hare's 
psychopath, they sleep very well at night while everyone else is anxious, 
worried, stressed, physically or psychologically traumatizes all the while 
nervously and justifiably pondering what further malevolence will take place.

As they face failure, arrest, indictment, or dismissal, they will endlessly air 
their grievances. Narcissists are natural wound collectors and as such, they 
have been collecting and nurturing social slights and perceived wrongs just for 
this occasion. They will wallow in victimhood claiming they have been 
relentlessly and needlessly persecuted. They, of course, expect their 
attorneys, followers, or enablers to subserviently echo their flatulent claims.

So, what happens in the end? Difficult to predict. Each circumstance is 
different. Some will kick and flail and disappear for a while, intentionally or 
thanks to incarceration-biding their time until they can do it all over again. 
Others regroup, plan, scheme, and prepare another triumphant entry into the 
lives of the unsuspecting to victimize them when the opportunity arises. 
Others, unfortunately, will seek to do harm as they face a breakup, a divorce, 
are fired from a job, are outed for their crimes, or are removed from office. 
Others will hound, stalk, or just make life intolerable for those they deem 
responsible. Their past can often give us insight as to what they might do, but 
one can never be sure-humans are terribly complex and as with many afflicted 
with a personality disorder, sensitive to the smallest of unrecognized but 
catalytic triggers.

In the case of narcissistic cult leaders, the cult members often pay with their 
lives as they did in Jonestown Guyana when Jim Jones came under investigation. 
In interpersonal relationships, violence is always something to be concerned 
about as J. Reid Meloy reminds us in his book, Violent Attachments.

And of course, in politics, much harm can be done when power can be wielded-but 
the worst comes when a malignantly narcissistic leader or head of state, 
severely flawed of character, claims that only they can fix things, that only 
they can shape the future, that only they have the answers, and that only they 
have a grand vision for the future and so out of necessity they must stay on to 
save us.

When you hear that, it should give you pause. That is when we have to worry the 
most. If you don't believe me, let me tell you about one malignant narcissist 
of note. You may have heard of him-he was an Austrian corporal who painted 
postcards for a living. Full of himself and with no shortage of grandiose 
ideas, he decided on his own to run for office with one goal among various, 
which was to "Deutschland wieder großartig machen" - to make Germany great 
again.