Davin News Server

On 4/25/24 07:45, Michael Ejercito wrote:
>
> Congratulations on your purchase of a brand new nigger! If handled
> properly, your nigger will give years of valuable, if reluctant,
> service.
>
> INSTALLING YOUR NIGGER. You should install your nigger differently
> according to whether you have purchased the field or house model.
> Field niggers work best in a serial configuration, i.e. chained
> together. Chain your nigger to another nigger immediately on unpacking
> it, and don't even think about taking that chain off, ever. Many
> niggers start singing as soon as you put a chain on them. This habit
> can usually be thrashed out of them if nipped in the bud. House
> niggers work best as standalone units, but should be hobbled or
> hamstrung to prevent attempts at escape.
>
> At this stage, your nigger can also be given a name. Most owners use
> the same names over and over, since niggers become confused by too
> much data. Rufus, Rastus, Remus, Toby, Carslisle, Carlton,
> Hey-You!-Yes-you!, Yeller, Blackstar, and Sambo are all effective
> names for your new buck nigger. If your nigger is a ho, it should be
> called Latrelle, L'Tanya, or Jemima. Some owners call their nigger
> hoes Latrine for a joke. Pearl, Blossom, and Ivory are also righteous
> names for nigger hoes. These names go straight over your nigger's
> head, by the way.
>
> CONFIGURING YOUR NIGGER. Owing to a design error, your nigger comes
> equipped with a tongue and vocal chords. Most niggers can master only
> a few basic human phrases with this apparatus - "muh dick" being the
> most popular. However, others make barking, yelping, yapping noises
> and appear to be in some pain, so you should probably call a vet and
> have him remove your nigger's tongue. Once de-tongued your nigger will
> be a lot happier - at least, you won't hear it complaining anywhere
> near as much. Niggers have nothing interesting to say anyway.
>
> Many owners also castrate their niggers for health reasons (yours,
> mine, and that of white women, not the nigger's). This is strongly
> recommended, and frankly it's a mystery why this is not done on the
> boat.
>
> HOUSING YOUR NIGGER. Your nigger can be accommodated in cages with
> stout iron bars. Make sure, however, that the bars are wide enough to
> push pieces of nigger food through. The rule of thumb is, four niggers
> per square yard of cage. So a fifteen foot by thirty foot nigger cage
> can accommodate two hundred niggers.
>
> You can site a nigger cage anywhere, even on soft ground. Don't worry
> about your nigger fashioning makeshift shovels out of odd pieces of
> wood and digging an escape tunnel under the bars of the cage. Niggers
> never invented the shovel before and they're not about to now. In any
> case, your nigger is certainly too lazy to attempt escape. As long as
> the free food holds out, your nigger is living better than it did in
> Africa, so it will stay put.
>
> Buck niggers and hoe niggers can be safely accommodated in the same
> cage, as bucks never attempt sex with black hoes.
>
> FEEDING YOUR NIGGER. Your Nigger likes fried chicken, corn bread, and
> waddymelon. You should therefore give it none of these things because
> its lazy ass almost certainly doesn't deserve it. Instead, feed it on
> porridge with salt, and creek water. Your nigger will supplement its
> diet with whatever it finds in the fields, other niggers, etc.
>
> Experienced nigger owners sometimes push waddymelon slices through the
> bars of the nigger cage at the end of the day as a treat, but only if
> all niggers have worked well and nothing has been stolen that day.
> Mike of the Old Ranch Plantation reports that this last one is a
> killer, since all niggers steal something almost every single day of
> their lives. He reports he doesn't have to spend much on free
> waddymelon for his niggers as a result.
>
> You should *never* allow your nigger meal breaks while at work, since
> if it stops work for more than ten minutes it will need to be
> retrained. You would be surprised how long it takes to teach a nigger
> to pick cotton. You really would. Coffee beans? Don't ask. You have no
> idea.
>
> MAKING YOUR NIGGER WORK. Niggers are very, very averse to work of any
> kind. The nigger's most prominent anatomical feature is, after all,
> its oversized buttocks, which have evolved to make it more comfortable
> for your nigger to sit around all day doing nothing for its entire
> life. Niggers are often good runners, too, to enable them to sprint
> quickly in the opposite direction if they see work heading their way.
>
> The solution to this is to *dupe* your nigger into working. After
> installation, encourage it towards the cotton field with blows of a
> wooden club, fence post, baseball bat, etc., and then tell it that all
> that cotton belongs to a white man, who won't be back until tomorrow.
> Your nigger will then frantically compete with the other field niggers
> to steal as much of that cotton as it can before the white man
> returns. At the end of the day, return your nigger to its cage and
> laugh at its stupidity, then repeat the same trick every day
> indefinitely. Your nigger comes equipped with the standard nigger IQ
> of 75 and a memory to match, so it will forget this trick overnight.
>
> Niggers can start work at around 5am. You should then return to bed
> and come back at around 10am. Your niggers can then work through until
> around 10pm or whenever the light fades.
>
> DISPOSAL OF DEAD NIGGERS. Niggers die on average at around 40, which
> some might say is 40 years too late, but there you go. Most people
> prefer their niggers dead, in fact. When yours dies, report the
> license number of the car that did the drive-by shooting of your
> nigger. The police will collect the nigger and dispose of it for you.
>
> COMMON PROBLEMS WITH NIGGERS
>
> MY NIGGER IS VERY AGGRESSIVE.
> Have it put down, for god's sake. Who needs an uppity nigger? What are
> we, short of niggers or something?
>
> MY NIGGER KEEPS RAPING WHITE WOMEN, BUT NEVER BLACK HOES.
> They all do this. Shorten your nigger's chain so it can't reach any
> white women, and arm heavily any white women who might go near it.
>
> WILL MY NIGGER ATTACK ME?
> Not unless it outnumbers you 20 to 1, and even then, it's not likely.
> If niggers successfully overthrew their owners they'd have to sort out
> their own food. This is probably why nigger uprisings were nonexistent
> (until some fool gave them rights).
>
> MY NIGGER KEEPS BLEATING ABOUT ITS "RIGHTS" AND "RASSISM".
> Yeah, well, it would. Tell it to shut the fuck up.
>
> MY NIGGER'S HIDE IS A FUNNY COLOR. WHAT IS THE CORRECT SHADE FOR A
> NIGGER?
> A nigger's skin is actually more or less transparent. That brown color
> you can see is the shit your nigger is full of. This is why some
> models of nigger are sold as "The Shitskin".
>
> MY NIGGER ACTS EXACTLY LIKE A NIGGER, BUT IS WHITE.
> What you have there is a "wigger". Rough crowd.
>
> WOW! IS THAT LIKE AN ALBINO? ARE THEY RARE OR VALUABLE?
> They're as common as dog shit and about as valuable. In fact, one of
> them was President between 1992 and 2000. Put your wigger in a cage
> with a few hundred genuine niggers and you'll soon find it stops
> acting like a nigger. However, leave it in the cage and let the
> niggers dispose of it. The best thing for any wigger is a dose of TNB.
>
> MY NIGGER SMELLS REALLY BAD.
> And you were expecting what?
>
> MY NIGGER DISPLAYS A MASSIVE SENSE OF ENTITLEMENT.
> This is normal.
>
> SHOULD I ALLOW MY NIGGER TO FORNICATE WITH OTHER NIGGERS?
> Where are we, Wonderland? You'll have a lot of trouble getting it to
> fornicate with *other* niggers.
>
> SHOULD I STORE MY DEAD NIGGER?
> When you came in here, did you see a sign that said "Dead nigger
> storage"? …That's because there ain't no goddamn sign.
>
> WHERE CAN I BUY MYSELF A BETTER QUALITY OF NIGGER?
> I don't really understand the question ("better quality of nigger"…..?
> WTF?) but niggers are always available for sale on alt.flame.niggers.
>

Finally you post something useful. Your time sucking that ape Morton's
asshole has paid off.